Hip Hop VP

We’re sure that the hoopla surrounding Vice President Cheney’s “hunting accident” will grow to conspicuously gigantic proportions this week. For pundits, it’s just too easy to connect Cheney’s affinity for all things destructive, to his weekend shotgun mistake. Conspiracy theorists will explode with implausible ‘hypotheticals’ that portray the event as proof positive that Cheney is a crazed bogeyman with a vampire-like thirst for blood, power, and oil. And the comedians? Well, let’s just say that Al Gore can finally rest well.  Cheney’s blunder will move us to forget that Mr. Gore ever chose to French kiss his wife on national television or wear earth tones to score votes. For years to come, Cheney skits will be all the rage on Comedy Central.

 But what will we [black folk] do with Cheney’s fodder? The people at The Report have a theory. Considering our community’s puzzling appreciation of iconic gangsters (doesn't every black person have a framed Scarface poster on their wall?), we have a feeling that Vice President Cheney will become the latest white Mafioso to become immortalized by the lyrics of hip hop’s most ‘hood’. Its pretty hard to find words that rhyme with Cheney- zany is the only one we could think of- but considering how quickly rappers normalized the use of ‘Osama’ (not Obama), we expect to hear Cheney’s name mentioned in at least three to four songs in the next 5-6 months. And since hip hop has become an exercise in unnerving repetition, we expect this number to quadruple over the next 5 years. T-shirts, murals, and some form of ‘crunk juice’ will, surely, follow

 As such, we predict that Cheney will emerge as our first Hip Hop Vice President. Sound ‘gangsta’? Well, we’re sure that some kid from Shaker Heights will think so. Consequently, it’s only a matter of time before you’ll be able to buy a poster of Vice President Chaney (complete with shotgun shell inlays) to hang over your mantle-- right next to your framed picture of Al Capone.

Bill Clinton may finally have to compete with someone else for our undivided adulation. Can you imagine? Ridiculous as it sounds, we can.

 Read more here.