QÜNE: The Report

At Least Cornrows Are Free

I was planning to write a quick reflection on the state of hip hop lyrics, but in the midst of my research I came across a website called Gold Teeth America. Googling has become a favorite past time of millions, simply because of the strange and often troubling sites that emerge from mundane queries. As it pertains to the collective state of Black America- Googling can be a shockingly brutal way of reminding us how much work is lef to be completed.

Which brings us to the topic of Goldteethamerica.com.  The site is billed as an online store where denture aficionados can purchase customized gold teeth showcasing diamonds, rubies names, and fangs. Replete with gold text and scrolling titles over a black background the site overwhelms your chintzy sensibilities like a ghetto hair show- sans the smell of burnt hair. Perhaps even more jolting however is the column of rotating customer pictures on the site’s front page. Every two seconds a new head shot is offered as example of another satisfied customer. Flashing their personalized “ice grillz”, picture after picture of folk with personalized gold dentures pop up, rotating in and out of your conscious until a pattern becomes clear. [deep breath] They’re- all black.

I could respond to goldteethamerica.com with praise. You know the mantra, “personalized gold dentures [and the like] are just another example of the collective creativity of black folk- wouldn’t the world be boring without us?” If you’re a liberal (as I am) you’ve used this kind of rationalization before. I’d truly like to believe that black folk have been bestowed certain gifts that allow us to express ourselves with more creativity and verve than others. Problem is I’ve fumbled through too many electric slides to believe that I have an untapped creative gene that lies dormant waiting to be unleashed at the next wedding celebration.  Yes, I’m the annoying black guy that you bump into during this cha-cha slide. And for this reason alone, I tend not to believe in this kind of mythology. While it is therapeutic to believe that African Americans have a monopoly on creativity and self-expression, such assertions only deny the obvious problems associated with the too often alienating choices of black young adults.

"Ice Grillz" and the emergence of the "gold front" industry (if I may call it such) reflect the expanding breach between main stream society and minority youth. To be sure, gold fangs do not attract fiscal, and/or educational opportunities. Sure you can take them out before an interview. But it is a safe bet that if you were wearing them at any point prior, you’re not going to be in the interview queue in the first place.

Thus, wasting thousands of dollars on an item that is going to make it even more difficult to access any services that rely on the subjective opinions of middle class Americans (white or black) makes little sense [unless you’re so rich that their opinions don’t matter- a luxury most Black Americans don’t enjoy]. "Gold grillz" are a bad investment (at least cornrows are free) and another example of our increasingly senseless celebration of alienating behavior.  Now central to hip hop culture, this sensibility is narrowing the life chances of urban youth and excerbating the institutional obstacles many already face.

So go ahead, call the emergence of "gold front" fashion an ode to our Egyptian ancestors. Call it resistance to the middle class hegemony. Call it a nihilistic epoch emerging from the sins of slavery. Call it whatever you want. But make sure that you also call it a likely precursor to unemployment and a sorrowing example of the widening gulf between black young adults and the American dream- however you may define it.

Make sure you visit goldteethamerica.com before your son or daughter does.

 

Buying Into Blackface

Blackface is taboo, as it was originally performed. Whites wearing ink-colored makeup, exaggerated lips and bug eyes is a thing of the past with the exception of a few pop ups i.e. Ted Danson (1993), and white frat boys (2002, 2003). In 1950, the NAACP mounted a campaign to put an end to blackface performances because they were “demeaning portrayals of African Americans.” Apparently, these performances were seen as fortifying racist images, attitudes and perceptions worldwide only when done by whites. In the 1920’s and 1930’s when Blackface was performed by black artists it was billed as “authentic”, “the real thing”. Coincidently, today when black entertainers appear as “lazy, ignorant, sexually-charged, baphoons” they too are billed as “real”.

The folk at Qune could run down the list of “has been” entertainers whose vanity has allowed them to forego any sense of pride or social responsibility. However the last two months in entertainment has given us examples so very unfortunately perfect we don’t have to dig into our past. Based on the belief that “demeaning representation is better than none at all” Tyler Perry dressed up as the large, grotesque, manly-featured, sexually-charged, grandmother named Madea and remained and scored the top spot at the box office. Yes, and just in case you were confused, Martin Lawrence also dressed up as a large, grotesque, manly-featured, sexually-charged grandmother who fights crime in the successful Big Momma’s House 2. Humorous coincidence? We think not- because in the1920s it was popular for white men to dress as “mammy’s” until blacks were hired to play the role. Now we not only continue to keep these images alive, but seem to believe that they are worthy of pride.

Read more about the legacy of blackface here [courtesy of NPR].

Hustle & Fail

The Academy Awards recently nominated Terrence Howard as Best Actor for the lead in Hustle & Flow. Unfortunately, we had the honor of viewing the movie recently and came to the conclusion that it is, unequivocally, the absolute worst, most stereotype-laden movie we’ve seen in years. Let us add that about a month ago, we watched Four Brothers and thought ‘could a plotline be any thinner?’ We should’ve known. (Curiously, both of these movies have John Singleton in common, but we digress…)

 First, the folks at The Report are fans of Terrence Howard. And in a kinder, gentler pop-culture world, he’d be getting an Oscar nod for something of real substance Can you imagine a biopic of Langston Hughes? Or just a story chocked full of strong characters, who speak a language we all recognize, not co-starring Anthony Anderson. Well before we knew Terrence Howard, the actor— we all asked “who is that light-skinned brotha’ stealing all the scenes in such ‘afro-pleasiac’ roles as Quentin in The Best Man, and Gossie McKee in Ray?” And by the time we knew him as Cameron in Crash, we knew he had star quality.

 But Hustle & Flow replaces Howard’s gloss with grime. Forget the arguments we engaged in about
Halle’s Oscar (how many First Fridays-type events have you attended where a patchouli oiled, pseudo-intellectual argrued, 'Why did Halle  have to strip!?, Angela Bassett would have never done that!'). Or whether or not Denzel should’ve received the best actor award for playing a ‘villain’- we love Spike, but nobody outside of the HBCU circuit saw Mo’ Better Blues. As Leticia Musgrove and Detective Alonzo Harris, Halle and Denzel did what good actors do—they showed a humanity in their roles beyond which we might normally see.

 The Academy sprinkles its fairy dust on whomever in Black America they choose. Sometimes they get it perfectly right, but sometimes, they tease us with unrelenting sarcasm and mocking superiority. Can’t you hear them? “This is what Jessie Jackson asked for, so you people want an award? Here’s a nod for Terrence.”

Next up? We can only imagine. Maybe “Mr. Raydiation” aka Ray J will get one for Save the Last Dance 2, due out later this year.

Wink, wink Academy…We get it. Read more here.

Black Comedy

At The Report, we take great pride in the texture black comedians such as Richard Pryor, Dave Chapelle, Chris Rock, and Armstrong Williams [he’s a real clown isn’t he?] have added to the American milieu. But the flagrant use of the term satire by some of today’s other ‘up and coming’ humorists is getting a bit annoying.

Suddenly, the title ‘satirist’ has become the comedic equivalent of a Cold War bomb shelter- widely available, theoretically comforting, but laughably meaningless. Today, it seems that every young, brash, and irreverent stand-up is using the term defray even the most deserving of criticism.

 Aaron McGruder’s (see pic) January Boondocksdepiction of Martin Luther King embodies this dilemma. If you haven’t seen the episode, MLK awakens from a coma as an unforgiving, curmudgeon who uses the" n-word" to berate black Americans.

For starters, McGruder’s framework is sophomoric; and, thus, highly disrespectful of an educated audience. MLK was too much of an intellectual to admonish blacks only  for indulging in the spoils of American materialism and entitlement (last time we checked white kids watch BET too).  Moreover, McGruder, a self-entitled satirist (of course), should know that good satire doesn’t beat fans to a pulp with unending literal manifestations of an artist’s intent. His depiction of MLK using the n-word does just that, in addition to unforgiveably disrespecting the man who’s life sacrifices ensured that McGruder could enjoy his current level of success.

Sorry, Mr. McGruder, but in the words of Richard Pryor*, “there are no ni@@ers here”. With this stunt, you’ve proven that you care more about ratings than any ‘uplift politic’ you claim to bear in your comic. Not to worry, we’re sure BET will be happy to air re-runs of your show once it gets cancelled.

If you want to see really great satire, watch a re-run of President Bush's State of the Union Address. 

 Watch McGruder defend his depiction of MLK on ABC’s NightL ine here.

*After an enlightening trip to Kenyain 1979, Pryor renounced the n-word. Asserting, “there are no n@@ers here [in Africa or the US]”, Pryor vowed to never use the term again. Read here or here for more info.

Editor's Choice

We hate to belabor the tragedy that is 50 cent. But the absurdity of the ever-expanding campaign to ensure that he is the most recognizable living African American is too problematic to overlook. Our latest coverage stems from a recent announcement that GQ has named Mr. 50 the man of the year. Granted, we don't know the specific criteria they use to make their selections. But, we do know that many in the black community believe that 50’s persona has done more to advance negative assumptions about black males and urban blight than Donald Goines, Willie Horton, and Shawn Kemp combined.

So why did they choose him? According to an article posted on MSNBC.com, GQ made the choice because 50 is “endlessly fascinating”.

We liken this to New Orleans Magazine naming former FEMA director, Michael Brown, the 2005 man of the year. Of course this would never happen- because The New Orleans' editors would never ignore the suffering of thousands to sell a couple magazines.

Read more here and here.

Help find the names of GQ editors by sending info here.

Who is Cousin Jeff?

While looking for a summary…err.. review of Beloved, I was introduced to BET’s new resident intellectual- Cousin Jeff. It turns out he has a regular book review column at Bet.com. Attempting to get beyond the name (and my growing disdain for all-things-related to black entertainment television) I perused a couple of his reviews. Accordingly, I was able to enjoy Cousin Jeff’s analysis of an eclectic mix of books such as Why White Kids Love Hip Hop and, my favorite, The Reallionaire.

Clicking on Cousin Jeff’s Corner, I was able to see clips from his show, entitled- you guessed it- The Cousin Jeff Chronicles. The clips were interesting- barbershop discussions of the “N-word” and clips of Cousin Jeff discussing how our diets are a cause of obesity in the Black community.

Thanks Cousin Jeff.

But you get the big thumbs down. Despite your impressive resume, we can’t get past your name or your 2 paragraph book reviews (we know The Reallionaire was a tough read). Nor can we let VIACOM/BET slide for their awful attempt to offer their audience an intellectual alternative to replays of Nellie’s Tip Drill video. We demand better and so should you cousin'. Get rid of the silly hometown, hip hop prefix and demand that BET execs give you an opportunity to truly challenge the complex perspectives of young black America.

Until then, we’ll keep you in the Qune Cue.

Read more here.

Black Mail

Why do some folk find it necessary to spend an inordinate amount of time attempting to prove that they’re “still down” in their emails. Don’t get it twisted. At Qune  we love to keep it real. We snap after each handshake and even buy fruit-flavored liquors from time to time. But we don’t believe that it’s necessary to end every word with ‘in . Honestly, should cyber inboxes really be the new proving grounds for of black authenticity?

The use of linguistic short cuts is perfectly fine. However, there’s really no need to use cyber slang that’s more complicated than Basic English.

Make a statement the next time someone with a master’s degree sends you “gangster email”.
Send them this link.

PDA

The birth of mini-million man marches makes our head hurt. Why are we the only group on the face of the planet that finds it necessary to go to a park in the middle of the day to pledge allegiance to our families, hug, cry, eat bbq, and issue a press release to make sure that the whole world is privy to our transgressions? Have these fools ever heard of chat rooms? We're down with talking to the kids, but feeling obligated to publicly testify that we are supportive of our families is ridiculous.

Read about the  “Fathers United in Service”mini-march  here .
 
*Is it us  or does that guy in the picture look like Malcolm X?

We Love the Kids!!!!

The other day a concerned citizen sent some pictures of a Day Care/Head Start Prom in Baltimore, Maryland.

Don't get it twisted, we love the kids. Personally, there's little that I wouldn't do to help a kid in need. However, throwing a prom for pre-school age children is going over the edge. I can't think of a more heinous way to scar small children than by making them dress up, pose for pictures with members of the opposite sex, while they watch potential college funds being wasted on white limousines.

Help us ensure that more of our children aren't subject to this kind of abuse. If you have info on this obvious case of abuse send it to The Report.